We Need A 24 Year Old

Hello. Do you know any terrific people who are twenty-four years old? We need just one smart, funny, kind one. Preferably lives in Southern California.

Beau and I claim five kids as our own—shared with other parents, of course. Four of them have spouses or long-term partners. We’re interested in rounding out our stable with a 24 year old for the one remaining partner-free kid, in the interest of symmetry, or numerology, or just plain old compulsiveness. By the way, our partner-free kid is amazing, and would make an excellent partner himself. No question about that.

Here is our next-generation passel in order, using the names by which you know them:

32: Mack

31: Gnat

30: Dallas

29: Ed

28: Doc, partner of Athens

27: Athens

26: Ems

25: Homily, partner of Ed

24: Your Name Here

23: Max

Now you see the issue.

Please help by finding us a kind, smart, funny 24 year old. Southern California would be geographically desirable, but isn’t essential. Maybe funny isn’t even all that important, since the other kids have that fully covered, believe me. Not fussed about height because we have a variety, XS to XL. Smart would be good, though, so that the new person can keep up. Kind is non-negotiable.

On the other hand, I suppose love at any age is more important than a perfect series. I will up my medication.

Epilogue: Homily just told me she's 27, not 25, completely wrecking the storyline. I asked her, Are you sure? She is.

I tried desperately to figure out a way to re-work the numbers so that an age sequence would make sense and bear some resemblance to the truth. No luck. And I'm not willing to exchange any current members of the family for people of the right age. I mean, that's going too far.

Did you notice the word current two sentences ago?

So I pulled the post down and let Homily know I'd done so. She texted back immediately, Don't pull it down! We'll never find someone!

She said she doesn't mind being 25. And you'd never guess she's 27. She looks so young.